Insecurity

I have this feeling of insecurity whereby i am scared of letting down people that i love. I would say this feeling  makes me trapped in my whole dark world. Im carrying a baggage which is invisible to everyone. No, this baggage cant be shown because people will know how fragile i am which literally can make me feel down. This baggage is full of things that even i cant accept it. One day, this baggage might be opened by someone who is willing to carry the baggage with me and stay with me. Who is willing to accept me regardless bad or good. That's when all the untold secrets seems to be worth-sharing. Till then, my baggage will remains heavy and untouched.

This feeling is killing me slowly, really. This huge burden seems to advance to the state that i cant nearly bear it. This predicament that i hold has put me through a real challenging world. I just want an aid. I want someone to help me, to hold my hand and pull me out of this dark pit. I am that spoiled child who cant be independent. But at the same time, this spoiled child just want someone to accompany her throughout this journey because she is afraid of losing others and seeing them disappear from her sight. That is too cruel.

I always imagine visages of my beloved ones, telling me how disappointed they are because i couldnt do things they want me to. I make them turn their heels away from me and voices of sighing around me. Im scared that one day they are gonna leave me here alone just because im incapable of making them proud of me. I dont want it to happen, or else i cant bear the truth. I guess it happens because i always encounter with some people whom i cant make them smile. I feel like im a loser for making them cry, making them wanting to leave me and avoid me. They walk away from my life with those dull, disappointed faces. Were they insulting me, or just having empathy in myself? Can i really handle this thing alone? Can i grow becoming people that everyone loves? Can i see them smiling and look at me with these 'i-am-very-proud-of-you faces? Can i really do that?

Now, im in state of confusion, not sure of my capability. People tell me to trust myself, but somehow, that doesnt put my head up and what more, my confidence is slowly vanished, like there's a thing who pull it away. Who?

I dont want this questions keep pondering in my mind. Allah knows everything. May this thing get away from me so i can live in tranquility. Allahumma yassir wala tua'ssir.

Semi-hiatus

Within7 hours from now, school's gate will open and that fact is just hard to face. Im not amused about going to school after midterm break. Gahhh. Now im gonna lessen my activities like watching television, reading manga, watching anime and Japanese dramas, slack off and most important, online. Yup, i decided to be semi-hiatus for my twitter and facebook account. And maybe this blog as well. But not for instagram. hehe. I guess i will open them on weekend. Yosh! Dahlia, you can do it! SPM

IM DETERMINED!

“ Aku sanggup menahan letihnya belajar, tapi tidak sanggup menanggung pahitnya kebodohan” 

 Allahumma yusahhil 'alaina.

Clean up

I dont really have any ideas to post something and i just that blank.. grr -.- Today i feel like a miracle. Like there was something miraculous has possessed me because i feel so 'rajin' and i ended up tidying up my house for a whole day! I cant believe it either.

That pleasure of seeing your house looking so tidy and that effort is made from you, yourself who did this- is just beyond expectation! I feel so amazing :3 Yeay me for this. 

Now, my body is aching so much resulting from doing chores just all by myself without any help -.- Well i want to make my mom happy after a whole day trapped in the office. (im a good daughter) hikhik. 

Tomorrow is Thursday and it's a good reward for muslim to fast because of Isra' n Mikraj. So wake up for sahoor shall we? :)

p/s : i want to delete this song from my blog but at the same time i like it. grrr~