Dissapointed.

This. I think it is true. Well im in a phase whereby i hate people around me. I hate the ambience here. I just hate everything. Excluding my best friends i would say. Why am i being like this all the sudden? Hmm.. actually. Oh god whyy..

I feel like giving up now. Im out and down at this moment. It just, people will always want to bring you down even though you are just nobody to them. Why with all this jealousy and hatred? Why cant society being fair to others... Just leave me alone with my world.

I hate it when it comes to something that people unsatisfy about me and they decided to ostracize me and just badmouth me. Darn it, if u have anything you want to say, just please confront me. Stop being sissy!
Why, im wondering why did He put me in that school? Why i didnt get into KISAS? Why do i have to stay here with this miserable things that keep happening? That thoughts of mine is harassing me. Allahu, this sucks. Really sucks.

I know life is hard and will hit you real hard right on your faces just to assure that you are being aware that it is not easy.

I think im not a good muslim. I cant even bring my friends to get closer to Islam. I just let them do something contrast with what Islam has taught. Im such a failure. I was quite dissapointed with certain people who said they wouldnt be someone they dont want to be. But that promise is just mere bullshit. This is ludicrous. Yet they still do things that they claims wouldnt do ever.. Why?

You jerk.

I cant breath properly.

'Aku sesak hati tengok tempat ni. Aku nak keluar dari sini'

That statement is pondering in my mind now. I was feeling hopeless. Feeling like this place is too cruel for me till i barely can breath properly. Like this place suffocates me and I need, i need an inhaler for an asthmatic patient. This sucks. Damn sucks. I hate this. The predicaments that i go through all this while were pressing me. Too much things that fly into my mind. Too much responsibilities that i need to bear. Come to think of it, this year is quite despressing. Wait no no. I mean my teenager's life is quite despressing. Well it is undeniable when people say that being a teenager is a hard task to do especially when it comes to choosing your friends. 

This cruelty is going overboard somehow. People just love to judge you. They just talk ill about you and for them, it is fun to make someone's life in hell. Curse that type of person. Curse them.

I have found quite people whose attitudes are damn annoying, being judgemental and sooooo boring. They are no fun. Really. What about being judgemental? Yes and yes, i cant deny it that each of us can be judgemental without noticing it. People judge me. People look me like i was a trash. That time was quite hard  for me. I cried. Getting angry. And getting depressed. But one thing that i hate about myself. I dont show my emotions to other. I dont show to people that i have problems and seeking for attention. No. IM NOT LIKE THAT TYPE OF TYPICAL GIRLS OUT THERE. So i learn that people who write "Menangis dalam bilik semalam :') ", "Mata lebam sebab menangis", "Kau tak tahu aku menangis semalam sebab kau!" Can someone please clear things out about this? Why would you post that kind of things on your social website? Attention seekers? Want people to console you? This is bullshit. Dont go and showing off your problems. Your problems were all smaller compared than others and yet you want the world to know it. Damn irritating.

People just think that i was being happy and always make jokes. But hey, i do have problems. But i thought that my problems should be kept just to myself. So im not an attention seekers. Those attention seekers should dig their graves and bury themselves. Too much complaints and too much bimbo. While im here just be happy and put my problems aside when im around people. I dont think there is a need to let people know my problems and want them to coax me. There are too much things that i need to solve rather than being weak and cry till i have panda's eyes. People dont know the reason why am i being like this. Cold-hearted and dont care about others' bussineses. Because i have seen too much. Too much tragedy that keeps haunting me till now.

*Seriously, i am annoyed with certain people in my class. U really want to kick them right to their faces so they learn how to be nice and smile. And just stop 'hushhh'-ing me!!!

Should be an ignorant but..

Have u ever felt that you dont belong here? You dont belong anywehere? It's like people just dislike you and loathe you. Just because. Maybe because you look desperate much? Or you look socially awkward. And you are just being uncordial to everyone. Well im lacking of things like warmth and friendliness i guess. Sigh. Actually i was not a girl like now. I still remember when i was the old me. Im happy and just happy. Thats all. Im still happy now but the thing was not the same anymore. It was different. DIFFERENT.

I think that i take people's feeling too serious. It is damn hard to care others' feeling when your heart is hurt. You are in agony, in anguish. Severely in pain. omg too much hyperbole here. whatever.
So back to the topic. Actually things happen for reasons and those things shape me for who i am today. So if you see that i become a cold-hearted person now, yes a tragedy keeps haunting me. Duhh. That tragedy was a disaster for me. A misery i should say. So i do agree when people say that im snobbish. cocky or just a plain girl who deserves a slap on her face. LOL hypebole once again. Whut? haha

So apparently, i feel like gving up and feel like wanting to be an ignorant. You know, be selfish. Sometimes i feel that if we keep caring others' bussiness in their life, we are deserved to get slapped. Right on both cheeks. Lol. i realised that i used 'slap' quite many today. Oh yeah, i feel like slapping people now. Feel like kicking people and punch them right on their face. Oh my god, i feel so satistfied. If only i can do that i feel much relieved mehhh.